Facing it Together: Navigating Mental Health + Chronic Conditions, with my Husband Scott - PART 1
“How to support a spouse with OCD?” I typed into Google after another heartbreaking day.
It’s one thing to experience mental illness personally. It’s a whole other experience to watch a loved one struggle with their mental health.
In this special episode of Maybe This Will Be The Cure, I sit down with my husband Scott, for a candid conversation about navigating the complexities of marriage while facing mental illness and chronic conditions.
Gain valuable insights, practical tips, and heartfelt anecdotes that provide a unique perspective on maintaining a strong and resilient relationship in the face of life's challenges.
In this episode we discuss:
[02:30] - Our relationship timeline
[05:39] - Navigating mental illness as a couple
[09:35] - Coping with the challenges of having a spouse with mental illness
[12:47] - Supporting a spouse with mental illness
[18:56] - Staying connected in challenging mental health seasons
[20:46] - Emotional conversations: communicating vulnerabilities and witnessing heavy emotions
[26:32] - Navigating chronic health issues + pregnancy complications as a couple
[32:28] - Making health choices as a couple
Listen now for a genuine exploration of love, support, and understanding in the midst of adversity.
More of a reader? I got you… Here are some of the main takeaways from our conversation:
What’s it like having a spouse that struggles with ongoing depression and anxiety?
Integration into Daily Life: The experience of having a spouse with ongoing depression and anxiety becomes an integral part of everyday life, shaping routines, and interactions without defining the individual.
Learning and Adjustment: Early in the marriage, understanding mental health struggles was a process of learning and adjustment. It wasn't immediately recognized, requiring growth and maturity as a couple.
Communication Challenges: The absence of a shared language for discussing mental health posed a challenge. Over time, communication skills evolved, emphasizing compassion for each other and a deeper understanding of personal needs.
Human Nature and Compassion: Dealing with mental health involves recognizing the innate aspects of human nature. Cultivating compassion for both oneself and the spouse becomes crucial, particularly when faced with initial reactions like anger or frustration.
Muscle Memory for Empathy: Through years of shared experiences, muscle memory for empathy develops. While mental health doesn't consciously define the couple, there's a subconscious understanding, making it easier to respond with compassion and empathy in various situations.
How to cope with the challenges of having a spouse with mental illness?
Inward Coping Mechanism: Coping for some may involve retreating into their own thoughts, allowing life to unfold without being overly influenced by external factors.
Everyday Life Integration: Mental health becomes seamlessly integrated into everyday life. It's not a constant conscious thought but rather a part of the routine.
Inward Struggle vs. External Perception: Recognize that mental health struggles often manifest inwardly, and the external world may not fully perceive the depth of the challenges.
Engaging in Routine Activities: Coping may involve going about day-to-day activities without specific, conscious strategies. Routine tasks and daily life continue despite the challenges.
Communication and Understanding: Prioritize regular discussions about mental health challenges with your spouse, fostering understanding and support.
Cultivate a compassionate presence in your relationship. Being approachable and fostering easy communication creates a supportive environment, even when navigating your partner's mental health struggles. Consistently embodying empathy can naturally strengthen your connection.
How to Support a Spouse Struggling with Mental Illness
Show Empathy and Understanding: Understand the challenges your spouse faces and approach their struggles with empathy, especially if you've had your own experiences with mental health.
Balance Empathy with Support: Strike a balance between empathizing with your spouse's situation and offering tangible support. Acknowledge the difficulty of their struggle while demonstrating strength and optimism for overcoming challenges together.
Explicitly Show Support: Outwardly express your support and empathy to your spouse. Let them know that you recognize the hardships they are facing and that you're there to navigate the journey together.
Navigate the Specifics of Mental Health Struggles: Recognize that different mental health conditions require different approaches. For instance, with OCD, it's crucial to support the therapeutic process while maintaining compassion and understanding.
Choose the Right Moments for Compassion and Guidance: Be mindful of the timing when offering support. There are moments when your spouse might need compassionate understanding, and other times when gentle reminders about coping tools and strategies may be helpful.
Avoid Adding Guilt: Refrain from piling on guilt during challenging times. Instead, focus on expressing love and understanding, creating a supportive environment for your spouse.
Step Up When Needed: Be proactive in providing assistance when your spouse is struggling to manage daily tasks or responsibilities. Stepping in to handle practical matters demonstrates your commitment to their well-being.
Frequent Check-ins: Regularly check in on your spouse's emotional state, especially during more challenging periods. Simple gestures like sending a text or offering practical solutions, such as arranging for additional support, can make a significant impact.
Create an Open and Trusting Environment: Foster open communication by being easy to talk to. Ensure that your spouse feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and emotions, even the most challenging ones.
Be Trustworthy with Heavy Conversations: Cultivate trust by proving that you can handle the weight of deep and difficult conversations. Ensure your spouse feels secure discussing their struggles, fears, and anxieties with you.
Handle Paranoid Episodes with Compassion: Approach moments of paranoia or irrational fears with kindness and understanding. Be patient, listen attentively, and provide reassurance, creating a safe space for your spouse to express their concerns without judgment.
How to Stay Connected in Challenging Mental Health Seasons:
Improved Communication Skills: Over time, developing the skills to effectively articulate and express mental health struggles.
Developing a Shared Language: The importance of having a shared language to describe mental health challenges. This shared vocabulary aids in better understanding and conveying complex emotions.
Acknowledging Personal Struggles: Recognizing individual struggles and openly discussing them. This acknowledgment serves as a foundation for mutual support.
Quick Check-ins and Conversations: Life is busy, so while you might not have time for a full hour-long conversation, there’s a lot of value in brief but meaningful check-ins and conversations. These interactions contribute to staying connected amid challenges.
Building Awareness and Understanding: There is a shared commitment to building self-awareness regarding mental health and proactively discussing it with each other. This proactive approach fosters a deeper understanding and connection during challenging seasons.
How to have emotional conversations: communicating vulnerabilities and witnessing heavy emotions
Respecting Vulnerability: When your partner opens up and shares something deep, it's essential to step up, take it seriously, and understand that it's a delicate matter that needs thoughtful consideration.
Avoiding Immediate Solutions: Instead of rushing to fix things when emotions run high, it's about resisting that immediate urge to jump into problem-solving mode. Give your partner the room to express themselves without interruptions; sometimes, they just need to get it all out.
Listening with Empathy: Learn the art of being present and really tuning in. Be there in the moment, offering love and support without feeling the need to solve everything right away. Sometimes, people just want to talk about what's on their mind and feel heard.
Navigating Humor Appropriately: Humor is great, but it's about finding the right balance. Sometimes a good laugh lightens the mood, but it's crucial to know when a situation calls for a more serious and understanding approach. Humor should complement, not overshadow, the emotions.
Developing a Shared Language: Create a way of communicating that both of you understand. This helps express feelings and challenges more effectively. It's like having your own code to navigate through complex emotional moments, making it easier to tell when it's a mental health issue or just one of those everyday stresses.
Navigating chronic health issues + pregnancy complications as a couple
Relying on Our Support System: It really made a difference having family around during tough times. They helped out a ton, especially when Megan was on bed rest. Having that support just lightened the load.
Rolling Up Our Sleeves for Tasks: When things get crazy with chronic health issues or pregnancy issues, it's more about getting stuff done than stressing about extra work. Life throws a lot at you, and you just deal with it.
No Strict Chore Charts Here: We don't really have a list of who does what. It's more like, "Hey, this needs to be done, let's just get it done." It's about being a team and helping out when life gets a bit chaotic.
Adapting to Life's Twists and Turns: Life is full of surprises, and we've learned to roll with it. Whether it's a pregnancy complication or dealing with chronic pain, we just handle what comes our way. It's more about survival and less about overthinking.
Keeping It Real and Prioritizing: We've become good at letting things slide when needed. Like, our sliding door is covered in fingerprints, but who cares? There are more important things to worry about. It's about knowing what truly matters.
Making Health Choices as a Couple
Having Each Other's Backs on Health Choices: We've managed health decisions without major clashes, even when faced with diverse treatments and costs. It's about supporting each other and respecting different viewpoints.
Steering Clear of Arguments: Scott isn't one for conflicts, which works well for us. Instead of heated debates, we chat openly, considering Megan's research and commitment to health choices.
Putting Trust in Megan's Research and Approach: Trust is a big player. Scott trusts Megan's thorough research, commitment to health decisions and making informed choices.
Considering Financial Realities: Recognizing financial limits, we talk about how to allocate resources for health needs. This helps us stay on the same page and avoid disagreements over spending.
Sharing Goals and Values: Our shared life goals and values make decision-making smoother. Having a similar outlook on life and health priorities means we approach health challenges as a united team.
Let’s Connect
Thanks for being here as we discussed navigating mental health + chronic conditions as a couple. In Part 2 of the conversation, our conversation turns to parenting kids with autism and type one diabetes: from the grief and life changing impact of a diabetes diagnosis to navigating our kids PDA autistic burnout, processing an autism diagnosis, and maintaining a relationship while parenting children with high support needs.
We hope to have you join us next week for part two of the conversation. You can subscribe or follow along in your podcast app (such as Apple or Spotify) so that you can easily catch the next episode. (It's free to subscribe!)
I'd love to hear from you. How do you navigate mental health or chronic health issues with a partner? You can send me a DM or leave a comment on Instagram.
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Disclaimer: The information shared in this podcast & the show notes is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Consult your physician before making any changes to your health plan. The host, Megan, is not a healthcare provider. Always seek guidance from a qualified health professional for your individual needs.